Welcome everyone to the historic night of action that is the REGAL RUMBLE with Ebenezer Mittlesdorf, Hans Van Gruber Schimdt, and JRKO Outta Nowhere on commentating.

The first three entrants Oldberg, The Undietaker, and Brown Assblowman have a stare down but Gay Wyatt comes in the ring and gets mad at blowman for having a "threesome" and then he dumps him out. But then Oldberg and the Undietaker are not amused by Wyatt's antics then both of them eliminate Wyatt. The next three entrants Kurt Ankle and his children American Alphabets (Jason Jackass and Ballbag Gable) enter the ring but Ankle gets hit with the Spear-to-quere by Oldsberg and American Alphabets get dumped out by The Undertaker. More entries enter such as Kevin Blowens, The Bare Ass Pig Show, Apollo Newds, Ryzack, and Cripple H enter. Quickly Ryzack tries to dump over Cripple H but because of his weight he drops him. Then The Pig Show dumps out Apollo. Then a man hiding behind a chair hits and eliminates The Pig Show with the chair until the man was revealed to be The Social Justice Warrior. The Social Justice Warrior eliminates him because of racism until The Warrior get eliminated by the Screw Day. But then a new entrant The Blue Weenie eliminates the Screw Day (except Big Erection) with his weenie. But both men are dumped out by the Undietaker. Then he and Ryzack tries to dump out Cripple H but once again are forced to drop him because of his weight. Before the next entrant enters, Kevin Blowens delivers a "speech" to JRKO outta nowhere which he tells him to go fuck himself. The next entrant is Chris Gloryhole who comes face to face with Blowens but both of them are attacked by Comic Book Guy who then dumps them both over. Then the next entrant Roman Rape comes in and hits Kurt Ankle, Ryzack, and Comic Book Guy with the superhero knuckle sandwich. Roman Rape comments that he will win the Rumble but out of nowhere Curt Shawkins eliminates him and also eliminates Comic Book Guy. Then Shawkins tells the GTS universe to face the facts but then get eliminated by Oldberg. Before more entries enter Oldsberg dumps out Ryzack.

The next entrant to enter is Seth Trollins and Cripple H has a disgusted look on his face hen Trollins enters the ring. Trollins then makes a sex tip that is about Cripple H that roasts him. Trolling then grabs Cripple H by the dick and eliminates him but from behind Trollins is eliminated by AJ Bearhead Styles. Baron Foreskin arrives then locks eyes with Styles before brawling. Dean Asshole and along with Deville start fighting to the point where Dean hits Deville with the Dirty Dildos on to The Jiz and Kurt Ankle and then elimantes The Jiz. Co-Kane then gets angry at him for getting throwed at but Dean does not care and also throws out Deville. Dean as well tries to eliminate AJ and Baron Foreskin but both of them hang on to the ropes. The Great Khalisto enters the match and hits Dean with the Selena Gomez and eliminates him. The next entrant to enter is Super Cena who then attacks Khalisto. More entries enter such as Finn Balorina, Sami Bane, and Dolphin Ziggler but Super Cena throws Khalisto at them which then eliminates him as well as Finn Balorina. The Undietaker then eliminates Dolphin Ziggler and goes after AJ, Baron, and Cena but he, AJ, and Baron are eliminated by Nikki Smella who dumps all of them over. While John is talking to Nikki, Oldsberg spears Super Cena out of the ring as well as eliminating Sami Bane. One of the final entries to enter is the surprise return of Turkey Tits but is immediately eliminated by Oldberg. Bork Laser, Big Ass, and Elmo Amore then enter. The final entrant to enter is Meth Hardy. As Elmo Amore does his sentence Meth Hardy (who is under drugs) then talks about his constipation problems which distracted Hardy. Elmo then tries to eliminate him but gets reversed by Hardy. Bork Laser then goes into boy mode but he gets punched by Oldberg who easily dumps Bork out and also eliminates Big Ass. Oldberg then tries to spear Hardy out but somehow Hardy reversed it and eliminates Oldberg winning the match.

Winner: Meth Hardy

After the match Oldsberg attacks Hardy out of rage but is saved by Super Cena who throws Nikki Smella at him. Super Cena then says bye to the kids.

Trivia Edit

The Shit Shield Goldberg made its first appearance since 2014

Entries and Eliminations Edit


1. Oldberg

2. The Undietaker

3. Brown Assblowman

4. Gay Wyatt

5. Kurt Ankle

6. Jason Jackass

7. Ballbag Gable

8. Kevin Blowens

9. The Pig Show

10. Apollo Newds

11. Ryzack

12. Cripple H

13. The Social Justice Warrior

14. Kofi Cockwagon

15. Xavier Morning Woods

16. Big Erection

17. The Blue Weenie

18. Chris Gloryhole

19. Comic Book Guy

20. Roman Rape

21. Curt Shawkins

22. Seth Trollins

23. Aj Bearhead Styles

24. Baron Foreskin

25. Dean Asshole

26. The Jiz

27. Deville

28. The Great Khalisto

29. Super Cena

30. Finn Balorina

31. Sami Bane

32. Dolphin Ziggler

33. Turkey Tits

34. Bork Laser

35. Elmo Amore

36. Big Ass

37. Meth Hardy

Elimantions and Times

  1. Brown Assblowman 0:42
  2. Gay Wyatt 0:56
  3. Jason Jackass 0:12
  4. Ballbag Gable 0:12
  5. Apollo Newds 0:23
  6. The Pig Show 0:34
  7. The Social Justice Warrior 0:25
  8. Kofi Cockwagon 0:24
  9. Xavier Morning Woods 0:24
  10. Big Erection 0:40
  11. The Blue Weenie 0:23
  12. Chris Gloryhole 0:22
  13. Kevin Blowens 2:31
  14. Roman Rape 0:30
  15. Comic Book Guy 1:55
  16. Curt Shawkins 0:14
  17. Ryzack 3:35
  18. Cripple H 4:10
  19. Seth Trollins 0:40
  20. The Jiz 0:12
  21. Deville 0:26
  22. Dean Asshole 1:00
  23. The Great Khalisto 0:39
  24. Finn Balorina 0:11
  25. Barf Ziggler 0:27
  26. Kurt Ankle 7:35
  27. Baron Foreskin 2:14
  28. AJ Bearhead Styles 2:24
  29. The Undietaker 8:57
  30. Super Cena 1:38
  31. Sami Bane 1:28
  32. Turkey Tits 0:10
  33. Elmo Amore 0:35
  34. Bork Laser 1:09
  35. Big Ass 1:14
  36. Oldberg 11:13